hiatus

I'm gonna take a hiatus here at Lora's Homecoming. 

I don't know how long the break is, but what I know is that I can't write about my life now. I can write about other things--like TV shows, movies, books, politics, and current events, but I just can't write about my feelings and my emotions right now. 

Since the launch of my professional website/blog, I decided to move all my non-personal posts in that site, where I could be anyone I want to be or be anyone people want me to be. (Heh. That last part sounds really sad, but that was exactly what put me in this position--and now I'm stuck in this rut trying to figure out who I am and where I'm going. I obviously need some growing up and soul searching.)

Anyway, the point is, I'm taking a hiatus here, on my personal blog, Lora's Homecoming. If it's your first time to visit this site, you're more than welcome to go through my previous posts to look at the real me. If you would like a more updated and professional me, visit Lora Quitane. 

Have a wonderful day. 

Paralysed and depressed II

I published a blog post back in March 2012 about paralysis and depression. 

I wasn't paralysed or depressed at all when I wrote it. I wrote it about people who are paralysed and depressed. 

When I talk about paralysis, I'm talking about being hung up on something that you couldn't move on. For example, I can't move forward with my life because I live in the past. That's why I'm paralysed--I'm immobile. And in this example, when you're paralysed, you become depressed.

I got the paralysis idea from James Joyce's Dubliners--this was one of the books we discussed in English class. I had to look up Dubliners on Wikipedia to remind myself what it was about. It's been a while since I've read it so I really need a refresher. 

Now in this scenario, I'm the one who's paralysed and depressed. I've been doing a lot of thinking (and I mean a LOT), and I know that I can manage this on my own. I just need to think some more.

This is what's going on in my mind: I think about the 25-year-old Lora who never left for Canada, who spent her life in the Philippines, who went to college in the Philippines, who graduated in the Philippines, and who works in the Philippines. In short, I think about the other Lora who have never left the country and lived in her homeland her entire life. I wonder what her life is like. I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder who she is now. And I wonder how she views life. 

And because I recently visited the Philippines, I'm still homesick from that visit. This recent visit renewed the dormant feelings that I had for the country. What's interesting was that I didn't see a lot of my relatives and school friends that time. I actually spent more time exploring the metro, travelling to a new city, and living like a regular Filipino citizen. 

The trip made me realize that the Philippines is my comfort place. It's cliché, but there really is no place like home.

-----

I don't really know if I'm paralysed. I also don't know if I'm depressed. I think I am, but I'm not sure. There are more days where I want to go back to the Philippines than the days where I try to figure out what to do with my life.

-----

Four years ago, I realized that no matter how much I try to assimilate into the Canadian culture, I knew that I could never forget my Filipino identity. I resisted to the change and I was happy because I was myself. Two years later, I was forced to change and to assimilate. I gave in to the change and I was lost because I wasn't myself anymore. 

Now I'm back again to the lost and confused person I was six years ago. 

Slow and steady

I'm finally getting back to the grind. It doesn't matter if it's slow and steady -- I'll do things at my own pace because I know that that's when I'm making and doing the right decisions. 

I've made a lot of mistakes on this journey, but now that I'm slowly (and finally!) getting back on my feet, the path is getting clearer for me. Things are beginning to make sense. 

-------

I'm talking about my blogs, of course (pffft). I've left my Homecoming blog far too long that tonight, I realized that I should really do something about it.

It also helps that my coworker (who's now a good friend) writes a blog and he updates it regularly (and that I get jealous because he's really motivated and I'm not). It also helps that my coworker is a good example and motivation for me to do my best too. And it also helps that another one of my coworker (who's also now a good friend) volunteered to motivate me whenever I feel lost. 

These are the types of people we should surround ourselves with. Motivated and hardworking people. Just a positive environment. And good vibes everyday. 

One More Day

After living in my homeland for 21 days, I've started to adapt to the hot and humid weather. There are times that I feel like dying from the heat, but then I remember that the people around me live in this weather everyday. 

It's just the traffic that's really stopping me from living here for a long time. Even during the slow hours of 10 in the morning or 1 in the afternoon, there's still traffic everywhere. 

But if I could stay for more than one day, one week, one month, or even a year, I would do it. I would really stay here if I can. I could stay here longer despite the weather and traffic. Because there's just something about this place that makes me happy, contented, and satisfied.

In a few days, I'll be leaving my hometown. In a few days, I'll say goodbye to my family, relatives, and friends. It's okay. This isn't the first time I've said goodbye to them. After all, goodbyes are overrated. 

A Second Homecoming

This time, it'll be better than the last. 

The last time I was in the Philippines, I was too scared to wander the streets during the day. I took the cab more often than the train because I was scared of the traffic, the pollution, the noise, and the people. Even though I was 21 the last time I was there, I felt like I was still too young to travel on my own.

If you've been following this blog (which I doubt) or you've read my past posts all the way back in '09, you'll know that I've been through a 'paralysis phase'--where I just kept on living with no meaning. Five years later, I'm back in that phase.

Which is why going to the Philippines at this time of my life is really important to me.

-----

Dumbfoundead featuring Clara C. and Jay Park - "Clouds"

The song pretty much explains itself. 

Listen to Dumbfoundead (aka PARKER and Old Boy Jon), Jay Park, and Clara C. They're not your mainstream artists.

Hello world!

Hello! I'm back!

(And by back, I mean, I'm back to my old self.)

If you're wondering where I've been, well, I went to college for two years. College took over me and my life, so when it ended, I had to reset and start over again.

I've been doing some soul searching lately (pfft, more like a year already), and through my soul searching, I've realized a few things.

There was one point in college where I was completely lost. I had no idea who I was, what I was doing, and what I was gonna do with my life. I was trying to be someone that I'm not. And I think that was when everything fell apart.

Then it hit me. The only way for me to know myself was to know the person I was before. So I looked back. I looked all the way back--in high school and grade school. 

So now I'm in the process of getting my old self back. It'll take a while, but it'll be worth it. I'm not the same person I was five years ago; I've changed. I won't be able to return to my old self, but I could get pieces and fragments of that old self that I lost throughout my journey. Those fragments were a part of me and I could never take them out of me. I am who I am today because of my past. 

And sometimes, the only way to move forward is to look back and learn from it. 

-----

Urbandub - "Soul Searching"

I've been a fan of Urbandub since 2005. They remind me of the times when I used to go to bars or schools to watch concerts. Nine years later and I still like them. Their songs still resonate to me. They have grown as a band, and I have grown as a person. A lot has happened in nine years. 

Across the Pacific: From Tropics to Snow

I was reading Meg Crane's zine when I saw her ad calling for submissions for her zine's April/May 2014 issue. The topic was about travelling and journeys. It was something I could completely relate to, and it was something that I wanted to share to everyone. And because I would rather write my story than talk about it, I signed up to write it.

I had a difficult time writing it because I cried a few times when I was writing it. When I'm writing, I usually write a few sentences then read them again. So every time I reread them or if the idea really resonated to me, I tear up. Even after reading it for this post, I teared up a little bit.

Here's a short excerpt (or parts where I always get emotional):

When you're a minority, it feels completely different. It changes your world and your view about the world. 

You feel like you don't belong. You feel like they're giving you disgusted looks. You feel like they're judging you. You feel like they're being condescending. You feel like they're not treating you right just because you're different. Your self-esteem goes all the way down until you lose the self-confidence you've built your entire life. 

It's hard. It's really hard. But everything will be alright. 

You will only fully understand how it feels to be discriminated when you have been discriminated.

This is one of my favourite parts:

I've accepted that I will never become white. I have learned to embrace my identity. It took me six years to figure this out and I think I'm still in that journey. The journey of finding and accepting myself. 

Before coming here, I thought it was going to be easy and simple. All I had to do was get my education and get a job to help myself and my parents. I was 19 then. I was young. I was naive. I have learned so much in the past six years that sometimes I find it hard to believe that I have survived in Canada this long 

It takes courage to leave your past and start a new life.

My story doesn't end here. There's a reason why I moved here, so I have to know what that is.

Life is full of ups and downs. There are times when you're at the top, and there are times when you're at the bottom. There's nothing wrong with starting over. Leaving your past and learning from your mistakes make you a better and stronger person. So whatever it is that you're going through now, don't give up. Don't lose hope.

-----

Grab a copy of Cockroach zine's April/May 2014 issue to know more about my story and to read other people's stories about their own journeys. Email them at cockroachzine@gmail.com, follow them on Twitter @cockroachzine, or like them on Facebook. You can also grab a copy on Etsy or at Winnipeg Makers & Market.

Thoughts and musings as the semester ends.

I'm surprised that I have something to write today when I mentioned a few days that this blog is on hiatus. 

I still think I'm going through a phase in my life now, but I don't really know what to call it. 

The last two years has been really crazy for me. This was an experience that I would never dreamed of experiencing. There were times where I cried every week because of the stress, the pressure, PMS, the feelings, the confusion, the responsibilities, and just life in general. Even now, while I'm typing this post my eyes are tearing up. 

When I think about what I've been through the last two years -- I questioned myself a few times if the experience was worth it or if I regret it. To be honest? I don't. But I'd rather not go through it again. It's exhausting. It sucked the soul out of me. I admit, I learned a lot -- a lot more than I could never imagine -- but it was too much. It was overwhelming. There were times where I couldn't keep up with the pace because it wasn't my style. There were times where I forgot who I was three years ago before joining the program. That was probably the worst one. Forgetting my identity and personality.  

My identity is something that I will never change. Because of this program, I have learned to accept myself. Accept that I will never be that person that they want me to be. And I will not try to be that person because I know, in my heart, that it's not me. Let me make my own mistakes and let me learn from my own mistakes.

Before this, I've always believed that the world is big. I've always known that I couldn't stay here in Winnipeg forever. I've always thought of leaving the city for bigger opportunities not only here in Canada, but anywhere in the world. 



There's this quote that I love from "Ten Things I Hate About You":

"Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want."

I never imagined that this would resonate to me now more than it resonated to me when I first heard about it when I was 18. And I never thought I would have the motivation again to write a post after being on hiatus since September last year. 

Quarter-life crisis

"What are your plans after school?"

No one has asked me that yet. I'm the only one who's asked myself that question. And whenever I ask myself that question, I always don't know what to say. 

This is probably why I'm so confused all the time. I always don't know what to do -- even the smallest and most mundane things in my day-to-day life. 

I'm doomed. 

Not really. I just need to figure out what I want to do in life. I have an idea, but I just don't know if I can do them because of expectations and responsibilities. I can't just think for myself whenever I make decisions because it's not always about me. 

Until I figure out my life, this blog will be on hiatus (that is, if someone reads my blog). If you want to check out my professional site, visit Lora Quitane. 

Blog updates

Hello! As you can see, this blog isn't updated. It's not designed well either. 

I don't have any excuses. I was going to say that I'm busy, but really? It doesn't matter what excuses I make, because the fact that my blog looks like this now is because of me. But I promise to myself that I'll update this blog -- in posts and design. 

In the meantime, you can visit my other blog, Lora Quitane. That's where I post my stuff. Thanks!

Cinemalaya Film Festival 2013

Every July, I always wish that I was in the Philippines. Every year, I always wish I was in the Philippines for the Cinemalaya Philippine Independent Film Festival.

I love watching Filipino independent films because the filmmakers show issues that Filipinos face in the Philippines and in other parts of the world. 

It's always been my dream to make documentaries about the Philippines. Unfortunately, I live in Canada. But I'll find a way. I'll find a way to make a documentary or film that shows a different side of the Philippines. For now, I'm happy watching Filipino indie films who continue to inspire me to make my own films.

The videos below are some of the films at this year's film festival.

Transit - Directed by Hannah Espia

  Sana Dati - Directed by Jerrold Tarog

In the meantime, I can always watch Filipino indie films on the Internet. The next time I visit the Philippines, I'll make sure that it's during the Cinemalaya film festival. 

Sir Paul McCartney in Winnipeg - A Dream Come True

Five days have passed, and I still couldn't believe that I watched Paul McCartney's concert at the Investors Group Field on Monday, August 12. It was the most surreal and best experience I had.

I still couldn't believe that I saw him. Okay, maybe I only saw him on the big screen because I was too far, but I still saw him. I was there. I already accepted that I could never watch The Beatles live because Lennon was already dead before I was even born. It was already embedded in my mind that I could never watch a Beatle live. And then Sir Paul decided to play in Winnipeg after 20 years.

That's not even the best part. I was able to share the experience with my family. I'm glad my parents were able to watch Sir Paul's concert. I'm glad that my sister and brother were there to watch the show with me. Watching Paul McCartney sing our favourite Beatles songs while sitting next to my family was amazing. It was indescribable.

Will the experience ever sink in? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I may forget the experience but I will always remember the feeling.

I know I'm asking too much, but I hope Paul never dies. Or he could live up to a hundred and do tours and can still sing. Or maybe he and Ringo can tour together. 

Andrew Garcia and Joseph Vincent in Winnipeg

The two YouTube artists visited Winnipeg to perform at Driven, an after-market car performance show on July 13, Saturday. As an intern for the Filipino Journal, I had a chance to speak to them.

Andrew Garcia, Ron Cantiveros, Lora Quitane, and Joseph Vincent

(I asked Sally Tran to take our picture)

Andrew Garcia is a YouTube artist and an American Idol Season 9 finalist. After Idol, he continued making collaborations with other YouTube artists. He is a member of YTF Legacy (Yesterday, Today, Forever) with Ryan Higa, Chester See, Victor Kim, D-Trix, and JR Aquino.

What made you join American Idol?

Before Idol, I did YouTube videos and the response was really good. My cousin told me to try a bigger scale. I wasn’t sure because I just wanted to do this for fun. He hit me up the night before the trials and told me to audition for American Idol. My friend was like, ‘Yeah, I’m going there tomorrow, do you wanna come with me?’ and everything just worked out. I was like, ‘I had to do it.’ It’s like there was a path provided for me. So I did and it worked out great. I got a great deal of exposure and beautiful fans that keep supporting so I’m glad I did it.

Any advice to those who want to pursue their dreams?

If you love it, just do it. You’ll always go through something no matter what. As long as you have a little push and support, you could go a long way.

Any tours or new projects you’re working on?

I’m doing a west coast tour with Travis Garland. YouTuber Josh Golden and I are making the song that I sang [at the event]. Dumbfoundead and I are talking about doing another collab. I also want to do another collab with Joseph Vincent because I love him.

When is your Turbulence album coming out?

I reached a speed bump with that. The producer that I was working with was just swamped with his regular job. I’m not gonna take him away from making money and make it out of his living so I told him to do what he gotta do and I’ll figure out a way and now I’m working hard to get my album out.

What can you say about Winnipeg fans?

Fans are cool. I love them. And there are so many women out here. You guys 

are so beautiful here, I mean, what is going on? Winnipeg, I love you.

Visit Andrew Garcia's channel at youtube.com/user/andrewgarcia to listen to his music and follow him on Twitter @andrewagarcia. 

Joseph Vincent Encarnacion became popular from his YouTube videos. He has gone a long way from posting videos in 2008. He still makes videos in his bedroom; the difference is that his channel now has 350,000 plus subscribers with over 50 million views on YouTube. His first album, Blue Skies, was released in October 2012.

Who inspired you to start singing?

My dad got me my guitar when I was 15. He was the one who directed me to YouTube. He showed it to me and said, ‘If you wanna do this for a living, it’s a start.’ So I said, ‘Yeah, maybe.’ I wasn’t sure because I just got to college and I was trying to transition from high school to college at that time. So I posted a couple of videos, got a good response, and I just kept doing it for fun. And now, I’m in Winnipeg, playing a show.  

How do you find the audience response?

It was awesome. I always get nervous before a show regardless of how long I’ve been doing it. It’s my first time here in Winnipeg and the fact that everyone was attentive, listening, and cheering was awesome.

You visited the Philippines in February for the Bayani Tour. How was it?

Gawad Kalinga and Seafood City put the whole tour together to bring Asian Americans back to the homeland. We grew up in America and we kind of lose sight of where we come from and it was eye-opening for me. If my parents didn’t move to America, my life would be insane. It would be so different. It made me thankful for what I have and thankful for what they’re doing.

Did you try balut?

No. AJ (Rafael) did though. He’s like, ‘Come on, do it!’, and I was like, ‘I can’t.’ I probably could eat the egg part, but the bird part, I don’t know. Maybe. I was just nauseous that day. Next time. But I had Jollibee—burger steak for days. It was delicious. And a lot of chicken tocino.

When is your next album coming out?

I’m working on a 5-song EP right now. I’m trying to think about what to call the EP and just waiting for the right time to start going into recording it—mostly pre-production stuff.

When are you coming back to Winnipeg?

I don’t know. When are you guys gonna have me back?

Visit Joseph Vincent's channel at youtube.com/user/hoorahjencar or visit his website at josephvincentmusic.com. 

Would you like Andrew Garcia and Joseph Vincent to visit Winnipeg again? Let us know! Tweet us @FilipinoJournal or @loraquitane and comment on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/FilipinoJournalFans. 

Asians Eat Weird Things

This made me want to go to an Asian supermarket and buy all the foods that I want. 


  ******************************************************************
Do you really eat all the foods featured in the video? 

Of course not. I'm Filipino so I grew up eating foods like dinuguan, jackfruit, pig intestine, and balut. I even wrote a blog post about these foods if you want to see some pictures. But I would love to try the foods in the video. 

Japan 2011 Earthquake aftermath

"It felt like it would never end and my friends and I ran outside crying as we waited for the shaking to stop," says Wakana Sato, an earthquake survivor.

On June 1, 2013, the Mirai 3.11 Committee hosted the Mirai 3.11 Benefit Fundraising event at the Manitoba Japanese Canadian Cultural Centre (MJCCC).

The committee organized this event for the orphaned children of the Japan 2011 earthquake and to raise awareness of the current state of Fukushima City that the Canadian media does not cover.

There was also an exhibition to show the "Cloth Letters" made by the children from Minamisoma, Fukushima. 

"Two years after the nuclear accident, there are many problems in Fukushima. Honestly, the people of Fukushima are fed up with the slow progress of the repair work. Friends who lived near Sendai Airport and Ishininomaki City are still missing." - Wakana Sato, translated by Azusa Osawa

The event raised a total of $9,000 to be donated to Kodomo Mirai Kikin. If you would like to send your donations please email Atsushi Kawazu at activeatsushi@gmail.com. 

Philippine elections :: baffling

Former President Joseph Estrada won as Manila City's new mayor. (cue silence) Did I miss anything here?

I don't know how I feel about this news. He was the 13th Philippine president from 1998 until 2001. He was charged with graft and corruption so he was impeached in 2001. Filipinos protested for four days that led him to resign from his position.

I don't understand it.

Should I complain that the people voted for him when I don't live there anymore? Or should I understand their reasons for voting him? The former mayor was Alfredo Lim, and people didn't like him because he allegedly "decayed Manila".


Is that why Estrada won? Because Lim was his other opponent?

Everyone knows that Estrada is corrupt. Filipinos who saw his impeachment trial in 2001 knew that he was corrupt. That's why Filipinos who lived in Metro Manila protested in EDSA and forced him to resign. He's now the mayor of Manila, the capital of the Philippines. I don't know what's going on here.

Nancy Binay won a seat in the Senate on the May 13th election. She gained recognition because she is from a political family. Her father was the former Makati City mayor and the current vice-president of the country. Her mother was former Makati City mayor. Her brother is the current Makati City mayor. And her sister is a House of Representative in Makati (you get a sense of what Philippine politics is like. And you can read this Philippine Star article about Nancy Binay).

The Internet community (or Filipinos who have access to the Internet and use it wisely) knows that she is incompetent and inexperienced. She was her mother's personal assistant when her mother was the mayor. She became her father's personal assistant after he won vice-president. Now she's a senator.

She says she had a 20-year on-the-job training (or work placement) experience through her parents. And her dad is the vice president.

She's a senator. A senator. Granted, the official results are not yet released, but she's in the 5th place out of 12. So obviously she won. She won by going to rallies and traveling around the country. But she never showed up in any debates. Not one.

This is the political culture I grew up in.

Philippine elections :: Dirty politics

The Philippines will have a midterm election on May 13, Monday.

This is a general election where Filipinos will vote for senators, House of Representatives members, provincial governors, provincial legislature members, city mayors, city vice mayors, City Council members, municipal mayors, municipal vice mayors, members of the municipal council, and party-list representatives. In the southern region of the country, voters will elect their regional governor, regional vice governor, and regional assemblymen. (1)

This is why I don't like Philippine politics.

Philippine election epitomizes "dirty politics" literally and figuratively.

Every time there's an election, there are flyers, stickers, posters, and handouts everywhere. When you're waiting for a bus, someone would give you a handout or flyer. When you're walking on the street, you'll see posters and stickers on the walls of business establishments, local stores, and sometimes even on the cement.

And there are people who die during the election period.

In Batangas, south of Manila (the capital), a campaign coordinator was on his way home when he was shot by men riding on a motorcycle at noon Sunday. According to the news source, local police have not yet determined if the crime was "politically motivated". (2)

I wouldn't be surprised if the incident was politically motivated because I hear news of people dying in every election. People who lost their lives for a mere vote. They would never be given justice because the rich and the powerful always wins.

It's been a while since I've read news about the Philippine elections. When I read the news about the person who died, it made me think that nothing has changed. Philippine politics is still dirty.


Sources:
(1) Wikipedia: Philippine general election 2013
For more information about the Philippine elections, visit Commission on Elections
(2) Philippine Star: Campaign coordinator shot dead in Batangas

Can't idle at all

The semester is *almost* over. One more week left. Time to move on. Time to enjoy summer. Time to enjoy the school break. But not me.

I registered for a spring course at the university so we'll see how that goes. I hope I can still write a blog post every week--especially now that I have more free time. College has made me a workaholic, so I don't think I'll be idle the entire break. I can't do it. I don't think I can do it. But let's see what happens. I hope I won't be lazy and do nothing this summer. I'm just glad that the semester is over and I can focus on myself and other personal projects this summer.

Right now, I'm savouring the moment that school's over. I know I'll worry about school some time next week (or even tonight), but it's alright.

Some people would celebrate or party now that the semester is over, but not me. I'd rather hibernate and stay in bed for an entire week. After the long and exhausting hours, the cups of coffee I drank, the number of sleep I get every night, I just want to rest. I need a break. Which will never happen of course. I can't just stay in bed for an entire week. I'll die. I have to eat, I have to be on the Internet, and I have to do something to pass the time.

Here's a little something I can do: soul searching.




What do you do when you have nothing to do? (The Internet doesn't count.)

Eight Months

School is almost over. There's only one week left (or less than a week) and then I'm done my first year as a Creative Communications student.

I learned a lot in eight months. A lot.

Back in August last year, I didn't know what to expect from the program. I knew that it was going to be stressful and I had to dedicate long hours, but I didn't know what I was going to learn within the eight months I was in the program.

There were so many things I didn't know back in August. 

I didn't know how to write a news article.

I didn't know how to organize an event without a PR proposal. 

I didn't know how to operate an ENG camera or switch the controls in a TV control room. 

I didn't know how to use ProTools or the soundboard. 

I didn't know how to write a print, radio, or TV ad.

I didn't know how to use InDesign or Photoshop. 

These were the basics I had to learn. I'm not an expert in all these things, but the fact that I learned all of these in eight months show what an incredible experience the program is. And how much I love school and learning.

Now that school is (almost) over, I'm more determined to improve these skills and learn new things this summer. But mostly have fun. It's summer, after all. 

Indak (Dance) by Up Dharma Down

This is my first time to translate a Filipino song into English. It's a very rough translation so the asterisks are translations that I'm not sure. When I say "rough" translation, some of these are the literal meaning of the song. This song is written like a poem too. Filipino language has only one Pronoun for 'he' or 'she' so it's hard to tell who the lines refer to in the song. I listened to the song a couple more times before I fully understood the song so it's okay not to understand it the first time--especially if you don't know Filipino. 

Up Dharma Down is one of my favourite Filipino bands. Their music is different from Filipino mainstream. Armi Millare's voice is so soothing and Paul Yap (bass), Ean Mayor (drums and synthesizers), and Carlos Tanada (guitar) complement her voice. This is talented band that stands out from other Filipino artists.


Indak (Dance*)

Tatakbo at gagalaw
Running and moving

Nag-iisip kung dapat bang bumitaw.
Thinking if I should let go.

Kulang na lang, atakihin
All that's left is a heart attack*

Ang paghinga'y nabibitin
Always out of breath

Ang dahilan alam mo na
You already know the reason

Kahit ano pang sabihin nila
No matter what they say

Tayong dalawa lamang ang makakaalam
We're the only two people who knows

Ngunit ako ngayo'y naguguluhan.
But right now I'm confused.

Makikinig ba ko sa aking isip
Do I listen to my mind

Na dati pa namang magulo?
That has always been confused?

O iindak na lamang sa tibok ng puso mo
Or do I dance to the beat of your heart

At aasahan ko na lamang bang
And expect that 

Hindi mo aapakan ang aking mga paa
You won't step on my feet*

Pipikit na lamang at magsasayaw
I'll just close my eyes and dance

Habang nanonood siya. 
While he's watching.

Paalis at pabalik
Leaving and coming back

May baong yakap at suklian ng halik
Giving a hug and exchanging kisses

Magpapaalam at magsisi
Saying goodbye and regretting

Habang papiglas ka ako sayo ay tatabi.
I'll stay close to you while you let go.

Tayong dalawa lamang ang nakakaalam
We're the only two people who knows

Ngunit hindi na matanto
But I can't decide

Kung sino nga ba ang pagbibigyan ko
Who I'll give a chance

Makikinig nga ba sa isipan na alam ang wasto
Do I listen to my mind that knows what's right

Ngunit pipigilan ang pag-ibig niya na totoo
And stop him from loving me

Iindak na lamang ba sa tibok ng puso mo
Or do I dance to the beat of your heart

At aasahan kong
And expect that

Hindi mo lamang aapakan ang aking mga paa.
You won't step on my feet*

Pipikit na lamang at magsasaya
I'll just close my eyes and be happy

Habang nalulungkot ka.
While you're sad.

Pipikit na lamang at magsasaya
I'll close my eyes and be happy

Habang nalulungkot ka.
While you're sad.

Ako'y litong-lito
I'm really confused

Tulungan niyo ako
Can someone help me

Di ko na alam kung sino pang aking pagbibigyan o.
I don't know who I should listen to

Ayoko na ng ganito
I don't like this feeling

Ako ay litong-lito
I'm confused.

Here's one of my favourite UDD videos (not the best because Ean Mayor's not here.). And because I can't get enough of this band, here are two more live videos: at One Esplanade and at the 2011 Stagg Awards. All credits go to the uploaders of the videos. 

credits to TOWERofDOOM

Questions? Leave a comment and I'll try to explain it further. 

And I hope I did justice in translating the song. >.<