Paralysed and depressed II

I published a blog post back in March 2012 about paralysis and depression. 

I wasn't paralysed or depressed at all when I wrote it. I wrote it about people who are paralysed and depressed. 

When I talk about paralysis, I'm talking about being hung up on something that you couldn't move on. For example, I can't move forward with my life because I live in the past. That's why I'm paralysed--I'm immobile. And in this example, when you're paralysed, you become depressed.

I got the paralysis idea from James Joyce's Dubliners--this was one of the books we discussed in English class. I had to look up Dubliners on Wikipedia to remind myself what it was about. It's been a while since I've read it so I really need a refresher. 

Now in this scenario, I'm the one who's paralysed and depressed. I've been doing a lot of thinking (and I mean a LOT), and I know that I can manage this on my own. I just need to think some more.

This is what's going on in my mind: I think about the 25-year-old Lora who never left for Canada, who spent her life in the Philippines, who went to college in the Philippines, who graduated in the Philippines, and who works in the Philippines. In short, I think about the other Lora who have never left the country and lived in her homeland her entire life. I wonder what her life is like. I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder who she is now. And I wonder how she views life. 

And because I recently visited the Philippines, I'm still homesick from that visit. This recent visit renewed the dormant feelings that I had for the country. What's interesting was that I didn't see a lot of my relatives and school friends that time. I actually spent more time exploring the metro, travelling to a new city, and living like a regular Filipino citizen. 

The trip made me realize that the Philippines is my comfort place. It's cliché, but there really is no place like home.

-----

I don't really know if I'm paralysed. I also don't know if I'm depressed. I think I am, but I'm not sure. There are more days where I want to go back to the Philippines than the days where I try to figure out what to do with my life.

-----

Four years ago, I realized that no matter how much I try to assimilate into the Canadian culture, I knew that I could never forget my Filipino identity. I resisted to the change and I was happy because I was myself. Two years later, I was forced to change and to assimilate. I gave in to the change and I was lost because I wasn't myself anymore. 

Now I'm back again to the lost and confused person I was six years ago. 

Philippine elections :: baffling

Former President Joseph Estrada won as Manila City's new mayor. (cue silence) Did I miss anything here?

I don't know how I feel about this news. He was the 13th Philippine president from 1998 until 2001. He was charged with graft and corruption so he was impeached in 2001. Filipinos protested for four days that led him to resign from his position.

I don't understand it.

Should I complain that the people voted for him when I don't live there anymore? Or should I understand their reasons for voting him? The former mayor was Alfredo Lim, and people didn't like him because he allegedly "decayed Manila".


Is that why Estrada won? Because Lim was his other opponent?

Everyone knows that Estrada is corrupt. Filipinos who saw his impeachment trial in 2001 knew that he was corrupt. That's why Filipinos who lived in Metro Manila protested in EDSA and forced him to resign. He's now the mayor of Manila, the capital of the Philippines. I don't know what's going on here.

Nancy Binay won a seat in the Senate on the May 13th election. She gained recognition because she is from a political family. Her father was the former Makati City mayor and the current vice-president of the country. Her mother was former Makati City mayor. Her brother is the current Makati City mayor. And her sister is a House of Representative in Makati (you get a sense of what Philippine politics is like. And you can read this Philippine Star article about Nancy Binay).

The Internet community (or Filipinos who have access to the Internet and use it wisely) knows that she is incompetent and inexperienced. She was her mother's personal assistant when her mother was the mayor. She became her father's personal assistant after he won vice-president. Now she's a senator.

She says she had a 20-year on-the-job training (or work placement) experience through her parents. And her dad is the vice president.

She's a senator. A senator. Granted, the official results are not yet released, but she's in the 5th place out of 12. So obviously she won. She won by going to rallies and traveling around the country. But she never showed up in any debates. Not one.

This is the political culture I grew up in.

Philippine elections :: Dirty politics

The Philippines will have a midterm election on May 13, Monday.

This is a general election where Filipinos will vote for senators, House of Representatives members, provincial governors, provincial legislature members, city mayors, city vice mayors, City Council members, municipal mayors, municipal vice mayors, members of the municipal council, and party-list representatives. In the southern region of the country, voters will elect their regional governor, regional vice governor, and regional assemblymen. (1)

This is why I don't like Philippine politics.

Philippine election epitomizes "dirty politics" literally and figuratively.

Every time there's an election, there are flyers, stickers, posters, and handouts everywhere. When you're waiting for a bus, someone would give you a handout or flyer. When you're walking on the street, you'll see posters and stickers on the walls of business establishments, local stores, and sometimes even on the cement.

And there are people who die during the election period.

In Batangas, south of Manila (the capital), a campaign coordinator was on his way home when he was shot by men riding on a motorcycle at noon Sunday. According to the news source, local police have not yet determined if the crime was "politically motivated". (2)

I wouldn't be surprised if the incident was politically motivated because I hear news of people dying in every election. People who lost their lives for a mere vote. They would never be given justice because the rich and the powerful always wins.

It's been a while since I've read news about the Philippine elections. When I read the news about the person who died, it made me think that nothing has changed. Philippine politics is still dirty.


Sources:
(1) Wikipedia: Philippine general election 2013
For more information about the Philippine elections, visit Commission on Elections
(2) Philippine Star: Campaign coordinator shot dead in Batangas

Indak (Dance) by Up Dharma Down

This is my first time to translate a Filipino song into English. It's a very rough translation so the asterisks are translations that I'm not sure. When I say "rough" translation, some of these are the literal meaning of the song. This song is written like a poem too. Filipino language has only one Pronoun for 'he' or 'she' so it's hard to tell who the lines refer to in the song. I listened to the song a couple more times before I fully understood the song so it's okay not to understand it the first time--especially if you don't know Filipino. 

Up Dharma Down is one of my favourite Filipino bands. Their music is different from Filipino mainstream. Armi Millare's voice is so soothing and Paul Yap (bass), Ean Mayor (drums and synthesizers), and Carlos Tanada (guitar) complement her voice. This is talented band that stands out from other Filipino artists.


Indak (Dance*)

Tatakbo at gagalaw
Running and moving

Nag-iisip kung dapat bang bumitaw.
Thinking if I should let go.

Kulang na lang, atakihin
All that's left is a heart attack*

Ang paghinga'y nabibitin
Always out of breath

Ang dahilan alam mo na
You already know the reason

Kahit ano pang sabihin nila
No matter what they say

Tayong dalawa lamang ang makakaalam
We're the only two people who knows

Ngunit ako ngayo'y naguguluhan.
But right now I'm confused.

Makikinig ba ko sa aking isip
Do I listen to my mind

Na dati pa namang magulo?
That has always been confused?

O iindak na lamang sa tibok ng puso mo
Or do I dance to the beat of your heart

At aasahan ko na lamang bang
And expect that 

Hindi mo aapakan ang aking mga paa
You won't step on my feet*

Pipikit na lamang at magsasayaw
I'll just close my eyes and dance

Habang nanonood siya. 
While he's watching.

Paalis at pabalik
Leaving and coming back

May baong yakap at suklian ng halik
Giving a hug and exchanging kisses

Magpapaalam at magsisi
Saying goodbye and regretting

Habang papiglas ka ako sayo ay tatabi.
I'll stay close to you while you let go.

Tayong dalawa lamang ang nakakaalam
We're the only two people who knows

Ngunit hindi na matanto
But I can't decide

Kung sino nga ba ang pagbibigyan ko
Who I'll give a chance

Makikinig nga ba sa isipan na alam ang wasto
Do I listen to my mind that knows what's right

Ngunit pipigilan ang pag-ibig niya na totoo
And stop him from loving me

Iindak na lamang ba sa tibok ng puso mo
Or do I dance to the beat of your heart

At aasahan kong
And expect that

Hindi mo lamang aapakan ang aking mga paa.
You won't step on my feet*

Pipikit na lamang at magsasaya
I'll just close my eyes and be happy

Habang nalulungkot ka.
While you're sad.

Pipikit na lamang at magsasaya
I'll close my eyes and be happy

Habang nalulungkot ka.
While you're sad.

Ako'y litong-lito
I'm really confused

Tulungan niyo ako
Can someone help me

Di ko na alam kung sino pang aking pagbibigyan o.
I don't know who I should listen to

Ayoko na ng ganito
I don't like this feeling

Ako ay litong-lito
I'm confused.

Here's one of my favourite UDD videos (not the best because Ean Mayor's not here.). And because I can't get enough of this band, here are two more live videos: at One Esplanade and at the 2011 Stagg Awards. All credits go to the uploaders of the videos. 

credits to TOWERofDOOM

Questions? Leave a comment and I'll try to explain it further. 

And I hope I did justice in translating the song. >.<