One More Day

After living in my homeland for 21 days, I've started to adapt to the hot and humid weather. There are times that I feel like dying from the heat, but then I remember that the people around me live in this weather everyday. 

It's just the traffic that's really stopping me from living here for a long time. Even during the slow hours of 10 in the morning or 1 in the afternoon, there's still traffic everywhere. 

But if I could stay for more than one day, one week, one month, or even a year, I would do it. I would really stay here if I can. I could stay here longer despite the weather and traffic. Because there's just something about this place that makes me happy, contented, and satisfied.

In a few days, I'll be leaving my hometown. In a few days, I'll say goodbye to my family, relatives, and friends. It's okay. This isn't the first time I've said goodbye to them. After all, goodbyes are overrated. 

A Second Homecoming

This time, it'll be better than the last. 

The last time I was in the Philippines, I was too scared to wander the streets during the day. I took the cab more often than the train because I was scared of the traffic, the pollution, the noise, and the people. Even though I was 21 the last time I was there, I felt like I was still too young to travel on my own.

If you've been following this blog (which I doubt) or you've read my past posts all the way back in '09, you'll know that I've been through a 'paralysis phase'--where I just kept on living with no meaning. Five years later, I'm back in that phase.

Which is why going to the Philippines at this time of my life is really important to me.

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Dumbfoundead featuring Clara C. and Jay Park - "Clouds"

The song pretty much explains itself. 

Listen to Dumbfoundead (aka PARKER and Old Boy Jon), Jay Park, and Clara C. They're not your mainstream artists.

At The End of the Day (aka Homecoming Part IV)

It's difficult to appreciate the little things when you're tired and stressed.

At the lowest point of our lives, we turn to someone or something that will make us feel better.

For my regular blog readers (if there is one), you probably already have an idea of my "addictions". For new and recent readers, this list is a summary of my "addictions".

My reliable go-tos:

a. Asian dramas. I watch an episode (or two) when I need a distraction.

b. Anime. When I would rather watch a 25-minute episode or when a one-hour drama is too long.

c. Books. Need I say more?

d. Friends. They're a very good and fun distraction.

e. Can't think of anything.

I rely on this go-to list when I feel like everything is falling apart and I want to forget reality. These past few weeks have been tough, and I unexpectedly turned to the last people I never thought I could turn to: my family and closest friends.

It's not because they're my family that I turned to them. They represent my other identity, the 19-year-old me who grew up in a small, poor, and corrupt country that moved to Canada. The other Lora who walked to school with garbage on the streets, breathed the dirty air in the city, got used to flies and cockroaches flying everywhere, and saw children on the streets asking for money.

And those were just normal things that happen everyday.

I have cousins who live in the country and can't afford tuition because they can only afford food. Their condition reminded me that I'm still lucky even though I'm exhausted everyday. There were times when I felt like giving up but when I thought of my old life and my relatives, I couldn't give up. I had to work hard.

And that was when I realized that my other self will always be a part of me. The self who grew up in the Philippines for the first 19 years of my life. The self who will always make me realize that there are a lot I should be thankful for. 

That was how I got through this semester. And why my blog is named Homecoming. 

Homecoming Part III: When the day comes

   I can't remember how many times I've asked my mom this question: When can I go to the Philippines again? I went to the Philippines in the summer of 2010 because it was my sister's wedding, an important event in our family's lives. It is almost two years since I went there, and sometimes I wonder when this day will come again.

   Just to clarify, I don't use the phrases "go home" or "go back", such as, 'When can I go home again?' or 'When can I go back to the Philippines again?'. Nope. I try to refrain from using these phrases because I don't want to call my former home country my home when I already have a new home. Here. Canada is my new home now, so I might as well learn this new country and culture. Easy for me to say, but very difficult to execute. Especially if one is surrounded with people (or communities) of the same ethnic culture.

   Of course I want to go to the Philippines again someday. Just not now. Not this time. First of all, I don't have the financial capability to buy a plane ticket to another country just because I feel like it. What can I do? I'm a student. I'm poor. So instead of saving up for a trip to the Philippines, I'd rather save up a few hundred dollars for a trip around the country. "Explore the Philippines first before you explore other countries.", some hardcore nationalists or conservatives in the Philippines might say. Yeah, okay. As if it's that easy to save and just buy a plane ticket. Not to mention the travel expenses. And the extra expenses for dining out, treating family and friends, going out with friends and buying them gifts (or pasalubong), and giving away money to families like a bank machine... Okay, I'm diverting to another topic, and this is one topic I'd rather talk in another post due to the broadness and complexity of it.

   So for now, I am enjoying the present. A vacation in the Philippines, that might happen in three or four years. As much as I would love to go there this year, I can't. I have to be practical. Even if it means not going to the Philippines for a long time (but not really long. Because I might not be able to take it. I still want to go there before I hit 30. Maybe after graduation I might go there. If I have enough money.). 

Paralysis

  To be successful is to assimilate. To be comfortable is to conform. 

  I was on my way home, playing music on the bus when this Filipino woman* complemented my messenger bag. I thanked her, and a couple of seconds later she started talking about how she missed the Philippines a lot. She missed the food, the crowd, the shopping malls, and other things. I wanted to tell her that everything will be alright; she should be grateful that this city has a large Filipino community where you see them everywhere you go. I was about to, really. But when she told me that she has been here in Canada a few years longer than me, I was surprised. She was the first woman I spoke with who has lived here for a couple of years and hasn't enjoyed their stay here. So when she told me that she misses the Filipino dishes and that she doesn't like eating steak, that was when realization hit me. She does not want to conform in the Canadian culture which is why she doesn't enjoy her life in a foreign country. A country where most Filipinos would like to settle and live. But that was only my theory, for I had no idea what made her say and think that way, so I should not judge her for experiencing paralysis even after a couple of years. I don't know her subculture, history, and perception in life that made her say those words. But I would like her to move on; I would like her to realize that there is more to this place than just a country to earn money. That way, when she has fully accepted her fate of living in a foreign country where majority of the population speaks English and not her (or our) mother tongue, she would be able to live comfortably and enjoy what this country has in store for her. 

  I think one of the key to living in a foreign land and not get homesick often is to assimilate into their culture and customs. I'm not saying that one should go to the bar every Friday night and live like there is no tomorrow (or a shift early Saturday morning), but a person should learn the culture and customs so that they would be able to conform and act accordingly. It's like getting the best of both worlds (I won't admit that I just made a Hannah Montana reference.). And as for worrying about entertainment and activities, give yourself a break. Once a week. Or a month, if you want to save or think you're overspending and have no control due to the installment payments of almost all the stores here. That way, you are able to reap a week's hard work. And in time, you will be more comfortable living in a foreign country while retaining your culture (in this case, Filipino culture). It's hard, I admit, because I'm also in the process of assimilating and conforming, and at the same time thinking about my culture and my former country. 

  Funny how I just made up these thoughts while I'm being fried by the summer heat, closing my eyes every now and then, and listening to the Bee Gees (Don't judge, but I really think Islands in the Stream, Our Love (Don't Throw It All Away), and How Can You Mend A Broken Heart are really good songs. Or maybe that's just me. But I couldn't help it when some of their songs are really catchy.). 


*I used Filipino woman instead of Filipina for gender equality

Homecoming Part 2: Is all hope gone?

Due to lack of interest and the constant slandering and complaining, I have shunted myself from any news about my motherland. I'm not surprised that it eventually led to this, because after living in this country for three years, I have become accustomed to some of the norms and culture that is expected of me. My culture is still preserved; I still speak my language at home or when I am with my Filipino family, friends, and acquaintances. However, current news in that country is the one thing that I want to stay away from, despite living there my entire life and have a community of relatives and friends that I grew up with. 

It's not my fault. To be indifferent and unconcerned never crossed my mind before migrating and leaving my home land for good. But what can I do? The more I learn about the culture and history of this progressive, first world society, I unconsciously compare it to the deteriorating third world country that I grew up in. It sounds arrogant if one thinks about it, but honestly, I'm not the only one who have these thoughts that cross their mind. Despite all these hatred I convey to the people around me everyday and some posts here in my blog, there is still a trickle of hope that there would be change. Unlike my friend who believes that all hope is gone, he even humourly suggested that the country should be wiped out to begin a new one. Again, he was just kidding. I apologize if I offended anyone. But whenever we have these discourses, we always come to a consensus: the people should change. 

I believe that the Philippines will develop. I have hope that the country would flourish. I want people to practice their rights, to initiate the change themselves especially if the government is useless. If structural reformation is what the country needs (and very badly, considering the current situation of politics in that country), then the people should do something about it, as quoted by Tindal and Tindal in their book, Local Government in Canada (55). If the developed countries today were able to do it in the past, then I think the Philippines could do it. All they have to do is to take the initiative. One has to be a better person first, by being knowledgeable and successful through hard work and perseverance. 

That said, I need to hit the books for some reading (more like skimming. heh.) for tomorrow's class. It's been a while since I've updated this blog, and I miss posting here. I actually have some pending posts I haven't finished yet, and I can't wait to publish them because they're mostly about movies that I like. So this is just a quick post to remind myself that I have a blog. 

Homecoming Part I

A few months more and once again I will be back to my hometown, the Philippines. This is exactly why I named this blog "Homecoming" for I long to go back to the place where I was born, and where the roots of my heritage came from. Where my forefathers shed their blood, sweat, and tears to be free from the hands of the Conquistadors. To once again explore places that I have never set foot on, reminisce the past and cherish every single day God has given me. 

I may not have all the time in the world when I get there, for I would be touring the city and visiting some sites, refreshing my history once again. But of course, the most important agenda for me is to spend time with my family, the relatives who have seen me grow up for a number of years, and friends whom I shared my life and soul with.

No one could argue when I say that there is no place like home. Although I have already considered Canada my home, nothing could still take me away from the place that I spent most of my entire life. And what's more, coming from a third world country to a much better and developed place, comparisons are inevitable, flaws and disappointments are felt most of the time. But I think what's different about me is how I view my hometown, now that I'm in an unfamiliar country where not everyone speaks my language, where I need to speak another foreign language despite learning it at school back then. It is true, the Philippines is lucky to have English as their second official language, for they have an advantage when they travel to english-speaking countries such as here in North America.

To live in a country that is rich is multiculturalism can be a blessing―especially for the person who has just set foot in a strange territory. It would be an advantage too, in the long run, for that person would be able to appreciate the culture he has once he sees himself unique from everyone else. If from before, he took his ethnicity and nationalistic identity for granted, coming to a new country would be a change from the norm, adapting with the new lifestyle, but unconsciously preserving his heritage, proud of who he is.

I'm sure some feel the same way as I do, but for those who haven't yet, I say to you: it is a very satisfying feeling to know that you are different from others which makes you honored to come from such a country and history.

And this is why homecoming means a lot to me.