Looking Back

   Now that I think about it, I haven't really written a post about the day when I left the Philippines. It all seemed like a blur now, particularly that day when I traveled probably because of jetlag or culture shock.

   I left the Philippines on December 2007. I was a teenager then; I wasn't that young but I wasn't too old either. Everything was a rush because our visas arrived unexpectedly so we immediately bought December plane tickets in October. I didn't have time to meet all my friends for the last time. I only told a few people too, because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. And my close friends knew this would eventually happen so they were not really surprised (I think). As for most people, like my high school classmates and friends, they didn't expect it.

   Within the four years that I have been living here in Canada, I want to think that I've accomplished many things. I learned more than I never expected to learn--especially at the university. I became more responsible. If the 19-year-old me would look at the present me, she would think, "You have grown a lot, Lora. You have changed." I want to think that I have changed for the better; although some of my friends think that I have lost my pride and nationalism due to my harsh criticisms when I was in the Philippines in July and August 2010. But what could I do? I was only telling the truth; all those criticisms were based on my observations. But of course they would never believe me. They might had thought that I completely changed. That I became more Canadian than a Filipino. I can't really blame them if they thought that way because they have never lived in another country before. Sure, some of them might had gone to Canada or the US for a vacation but that was it. A vacation does not last 2 years. It does not last 4 years. Once a person lives in a new place, he or she begins to adapt to the new culture because he or she is an immigrant. He or she, like me, is a person from another country. So if I visit the US and stay for 3 months, I would still not be able to fully assimilate myself into the culture. I'm not saying though that an immigrant should assimilate his or herself into the new culture. It takes time, and it also varies in every person. Even though sometimes I feel like I have fully immersed myself into the culture, there are times when I still cannot relate to what other people are talking about. I think it will never go away. But if a Filipino of my age starts talking about the cartoons in the 90s, then I can relate because I grew up in that culture. But now, I can say that I know less of the Philippine pop culture as I learn more of the Canadian culture.

   Start all over again. Then look back after a few years. What have I accomplished in the last four years? How did my perspectives and ideologies changed over the past four years? Would I want to go back and start all over again?

   I'd rather not. I've had my ups and downs during the four years, but looking back, I prefer not to be paralysed and would rather look into the future. A bright and unpredictable future.