I still think I'm going through a phase in my life now, but I don't really know what to call it.
The last two years has been really crazy for me. This was an experience that I would never dreamed of experiencing. There were times where I cried every week because of the stress, the pressure, PMS, the feelings, the confusion, the responsibilities, and just life in general. Even now, while I'm typing this post my eyes are tearing up.
When I think about what I've been through the last two years -- I questioned myself a few times if the experience was worth it or if I regret it. To be honest? I don't. But I'd rather not go through it again. It's exhausting. It sucked the soul out of me. I admit, I learned a lot -- a lot more than I could never imagine -- but it was too much. It was overwhelming. There were times where I couldn't keep up with the pace because it wasn't my style. There were times where I forgot who I was three years ago before joining the program. That was probably the worst one. Forgetting my identity and personality.
My identity is something that I will never change. Because of this program, I have learned to accept myself. Accept that I will never be that person that they want me to be. And I will not try to be that person because I know, in my heart, that it's not me. Let me make my own mistakes and let me learn from my own mistakes.
Before this, I've always believed that the world is big. I've always known that I couldn't stay here in Winnipeg forever. I've always thought of leaving the city for bigger opportunities not only here in Canada, but anywhere in the world.
There's this quote that I love from "Ten Things I Hate About You":
"Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want."
I never imagined that this would resonate to me now more than it resonated to me when I first heard about it when I was 18. And I never thought I would have the motivation again to write a post after being on hiatus since September last year.